Updated 5 minutes ago. Posted 1 hour ago
“My friends had to explain to me that a blowjob isn’t blowing into a balloon to make it bigger.”
We recently shared a post in which people shared the things they learned embarrassingly late, and it was all things cringeworthy and hilarious:
Well, our readers chimed in with the things they didn’t learn until embarrassingly late, and their stories are even funnier:
“I was a junior in high school when I learned that penises don’t have a bone in them keeping them hard all the time.
“I didn’t know you make pasta with flour and water — I thought you grew noodles…like, on trees.
“I knew that rice grew, so I just classified them as the same thing!”
“When I was 14, my friends had to explain to me that a blowjob isn’t blowing into a balloon to make it bigger.”
“I was in my twenties when I learned that water polo isn’t played on swimming horses. I was embarrassed…and also disappointed.”
“I just learned that ‘local anesthetic’ does not mean it was made in a lab local to you. I thought you wanted it local, like local honey!”
—Meredith Brown, Facebook
“I thought ‘bust a nut’ meant to kick someone in the balls until I was 23. If a guy was being a jerk, I’d jokingly say I was going to ‘bust his nut.’
“I was mortified when I found out it meant something VERY different.”
“For the longest time, I didn’t understand why you would go to a mechanic to get your wheels rotated when they rotate all the time while you’re driving.”
“I was in my twenties when I realized that the mile-high club didn’t mean getting stoned on an airplane.”
“When I was younger, I thought that when women start their period, it never ends…as in, you have your period every day until menopause.
“It wasn’t until my mom bought me a book on puberty that I realized it’s a once-a-month thing.”
“I thought billboards that said ‘available’ and had a phone number listed were ads for single people. Who knew it just meant the billboard was available to rent?”
“For the longest time, I thought ‘ends meet’ was a food recipe, as in, ‘They hardly had enough to make ends meat!’ I thought the meat was cheap animal butt meat that nobody wanted, and that some people were so poor, they couldn’t even make that for supper.
“My mom thought it was the funniest thing ever when I asked her how to cook it.”
—Kristen McGahee, Facebook
“I was in my early twenties when I learned that reindeer are real; they just don’t fly.”
“I just learned last year that the second George Bush was the first George Bush’s son. I honestly thought it was a coincidence that there were two presidents with the same name, and that they used the ‘W’ to distinguish which is which.”
“I thought girls peed from their clitoris until just a few months ago.
“I’m 18 years old, and when my friends told me, I didn’t believe them and had to watch myself pee to prove it.”
“I used to think that sheep and goats were the same animal, and that sheep and lambs were female and goats were male.”
“I didn’t know until high school that the ‘not tested on animals’ labels on products were about animal cruelty and not whether the makeup or lotion would actually work on a dog.”
“I was 25 when I realized rainbows were real and not a myth.
“I grew up in Brooklyn and had literally never seen a rainbow until I moved to Florida. I was leaving work with my coworkers one evening after it rained when I suddenly saw a rainbow. I exclaimed, ‘Oh my god — rainbows are real?’ and they all looked at me like I had two heads on my shoulders.”
“For the longest time, I didn’t think the spleen was a real organ. I thought it was just something created for comedic effect in cartoons when they said, ‘I think I ruptured my spleen!'”
“I thought the same thing about the clavicle.”
“I was older than I care to admit when I realized Metallica was a band and not a genre.”
“I didn’t realize the words ‘thespian’ and ‘lesbian’ were different words until sophomore year of high school when I saw ‘National Thespian Honor Society’ on the shirts of my friends Adam and Cameron.”
“I was 40 years old when I learned that Lyme disease doesn’t come from eating too many limes.”
“I was 22 when I found out Alaska was not an island. I met some tourists who said they’d driven to Colorado from Alaska, and I asked if they had to put their car on a boat.”
“I had the pleasure of informing my Uber driver that roadrunners are real birds, not just a cartoon. It totally blew his mind.”
“Until about a year ago, I thought it was ‘hammy downs’ instead of ‘hand-me-downs.'”
“My brother gave a speech on fishing for his seventh-grade English class, and one of his friends encouraged him to say that he was a ‘master baiter,’ so he did, meaning he was really good at baiting a fish hook…”
Note: Some responses have been edited for length and/or clarity.
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